They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
