Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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