Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
