and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
