cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
