so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
