He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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