she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
