You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
