The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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