and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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