My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
