i need an iv and a liver transplant
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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