I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
