This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
