Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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