Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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