So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
