whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I take back everything I said about communal showers
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
