Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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