Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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