Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
