I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
