I want to walk on stilts...naked
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
