Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
