Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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