Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I will die if light touches me.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
