HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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