Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You dont lie about slip and slides
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
