broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
