Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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