I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
