I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
