Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
