the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
