We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Let's paint friendship bongs
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
