i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
