So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
