I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
