True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
