i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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