a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
