Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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