so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
