When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Randomize
