I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
