I just pynch a tree in the face
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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