tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize