It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
