Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
