Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
