Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
