Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Enjoy the penises
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize