The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize