True but thats because hes a fetus.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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