I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
