Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
