i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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