I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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