This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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