yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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