No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
