I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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