CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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