Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
