please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
