I wanna passion pit in your ass
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
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