plz talk dirty to me
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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