Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
