Just mADE A PArabola og urine
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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