We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
